Excitebike - Review

                                             Retro Games Reviewer #16; ExciteBike Review


Pick up your helmet - Not a medieval war-like, I mean, a motorcycle helmet - put on your fake leather jacket, that you bought to impress your last date, get a few root beers - Do not drink and drive. FREAKING EVER! - And, start on your classic NES motocross title, Excitebike.

Ah, isn't life great?

Man, I love this game. Because it's simply so damn' fun. Nintendo did it again, with a perfect gameplay. It's a side scrolling motocross simulator racing game. You have to deal with a lot of obstacles. You get to jump through ramps, control your bike both in the ground, and in the air, you have to avoid sand, falls, - if you fall, you can return to your bike faster by pressing A - and, with all this, you have a time limit. It's a great challenge. You will have to practice a decent amount of time to...beat the time...? Man, this didn't turn out very shakespearinguish... 

Anyway, you get the point.

Another important thing: if the motor of your bike becomes overheated, you will have to wait a few seconds before you can proceed. This is what happens: You can use both buttons, B and A, right? With the A button you can speed up at your will. No problem. But, if you want to use the turbo, and accelerate a lot more, you will need the B button. Thing is, if you use it for too much time, without pausing, the motor will need a rest. And you will have to stop. There's a meter, called "Temp", meaning "Temperature", and you can control it. Soon, you will learn to alternate between the A and B button, without causing the motor to overheat. It's a great add to the game interest.

You can compete alone, just against the obstacles and the clock, or you can compete with...no, not with a friend. That's the downside of the game. There's no two player mode!! Shame on you, Nintendo.

You have two game modes, that they call "selections". In Selection A, you "walk alone", in Selection B, computer controlled motorcycles appear on the action. It's fun, and a greater challenge. And only makes you crave for that two player mode, which does not exist.

No worries, after the third track, and the fifth root beer, you'll forget all about that.

There are 5 main tracks. The scenarios and the graphics are simple, but ok. The environment is all there. The colors change, each level, simulating day, night, different lights, etc. It's not the second coming of 8 bit technology, but it does not become boring, and helps out the game. You can see the crowd back there, and now and then, a cameraman, which is, of course, showing your stunts to the world. Live!

Soundtrack: awful. One of the worse soundtracks of NES. Fortunately, it does not play when you are...playing. Again, damn'!

But yeah, you don't have to listen to the music while you're playing. Only when you finish the track. So, it will not ruin your fun. But it can make you mad if you just failed to reach the next track for just a second or two. Some gamers may think this is a good think. The angrier, the better formula. I'm not one of those.

Important detail: You can build and create your own personalized tracks. Nintendo, back then, called the game part of its "programmable series."

Ah, the 80's.

So, call your girlfriend, and ask her if she wants to take a ride with you, in a motocross contest.


Retro Games Reviewer; Excitebike Review, 9/9/2013

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DR. MARIO - Review

Retro Games Reviewer #15; Dr. Mario Review

Mario... the doctor? What the...!

This was my reaction, in my younger days, when I saw the cover and label of this game. And not just because Mario looks more like a mad scientist than a doctor, in the box art. There's also a sort of mysterious "X". Dr X Mario?

Although, we should not be surprised, for Mario is definitely the man of one zillion jobs, throughout a bunch of Nintendo games, who are not related to Mario Mythology.

Very far from being just a plumber, Mario is the referee in Tennis (NES and Game Boy), he's a golf player in the  Golf series (NES and GB), he wrecks buildings in Wrecking Crew (NES), he is an astronaut, and space ship pilot in Alleyway (GB), AND in Super Mario Land 2 (Moon Zone) - ape hunter in Donkey Kong, the list goes on and on.

So, yes, Mario is playing doctors, but in a good educational puzzling way. I have to say, when I was a kid, and I asked my father to buy me Dr. Mario, without having read a word about the game, I wasn't expecting an adventure, Super Mario series kind of game. Of course not. But I was hoping for something in the vein of the original Mario Bros., for example. A simple action/platform game, fun to play with a buddy, original stuff, nice to relax in a rainy sunday afternoon.

Oh, by the way, apparently, Luigi didn't graduate from med school.

Instead, I was very surprised to see it was a puzzle. I was a little disappointed at first, because the game I had imagined was kind of cool, but, hey, let's see if the doctor aproves it!

Usually I have a problem with puzzles, because I love Tetris, and the other ones always seem a shadow, unworthy of "the Soviet Mind Game".

However, Dr. Mario was definitely approved.

First of all, yes, it's another Tetris'son. But it has its differences. Both the concept, and also the gameplay. Mario throws vitamins, or medicins, well, pills, to a bottle. Each pill has two different colors, and you can rotate them, in order to use the color you want. The position of the pill is also important. It can go vertical, or horizontal.

So, there are three colors available: red, blue and yellow. And Mario, I mean, Dr. Mario, can send you a whole bunch of combinations of pills, using these three colors. For example - Red-Red; Yellow-Blue, Blue-Red, etc, etc. You get the point.

You control the pills like you control the blocks in Tetris. But in Dr. Mario, you need to use the pills on the virus! Yes, your mother will be so proud! You are playing a game in which you are a doctor, kicking deseases' asses!

As expected, virus can be yellow, blue and red. You need to put two pills of the same color of the virus, on top of them (the virus!) - or below - in order to destroy them. So, you need to use the half of the pill you are interested in, for each virus' case. That's why you can rotate the pills.

The first levels, are easier, but, as you progress in the game, the scientist bottles will become more and more crowded with the damn' virus, and it will be harder. You can choose the level in the beggining of the game. It's quite a challenge to the mind, and to your nerves. Not a nice game to play if you're drunk.

The graphics are ok. You can see Mario, all dressed up as a doctor, up in the screen, throwing you the pills. He's always holding the next pill you will get next. Just like in Tetris, you get to see what's coming. And just like in Tetris, you have to figure out what to do with the piece, before it lands something. Hopefully the right virus.

There's also a magnifying glass, that shows you the virus in big size. One for each color, of course. They are quite ugly, in a fun way. When you destroy all the virus of one species, then, its "big" representant will disappear from the magnifying glass. After you destroy all the virus, there's nothing else to see, and off you go the next level. Sherlock Holmes would have love this game.

Now, the soundtrack. You have two different tunes. "Fever" and "Chill".

I have to say, "Chill" is... sick, so to speak! I loved this tune, when I was a kid, I still like a lot. I used to play the game just to listen to it. Very jazzy and psychadelic, and has a hell of solo.

Here's a nice arrangement from FamilyJules7X:

Yeah, I know, me and the songs...

Anyway, the game was released, both to NES and Game Boy. Later, it was released for the Super NES, with a bonus: Tetris. Yes, the two games in one single cartridge. This was a great idea, double the fun.

Either way, Dr. Mario is a very good choice if you're planning to stay home, pretending you're sick, just to be left alone with your good ol' NES. If solitude isn't your thing, you can also use the two player mode.

Retro Games Reviewer; Dr. Mario Review, 30/08/13

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PRINCE OF PERSIA by Jordan Mechner - Review

                                      Retro Games Reviewer #14; Prince of Persia Review

Back in the days, there was always a Princess to save, in video games. That's nice. Epic, romantic, and very manly.

When I was a kid, I had a neighbour who had a PC. I had my NES, and he had his 386. I had Super Mario and Zelda, but he had this fucking great game, called Prince of Persia. Prince to close friends. I watched him play that game, and, for the first time, I wanted a pc keyboard as much as a NES controller.

So, once upon a time, a dude was trapped in a dungeon, - in Persia, so, the title... - by the evil Vizir. - Jaffar is the asshole's name.

And the princess was kidnapped by the same Vizir. What for? Besides the obvious reasons...? He's going to force her to marry him, in order to become the Sultan of Persia.

 She has one hour to decide. And she has to say yes. Or else... I don't know. Does he kill her? Makes her listen to Justin Bieber? Either way, it's fucked up.

But she has a hope. You!

Now, I'm singing the title screen music. Ah, I'm feeling heroic. Where's my damn' sword? I want to invoke the Gods of War, and of poor helpless Princesses.

And only after you save the princess, and marry her, you will actually become the Prince of Persia.

Hell of a game. You have to figure the way out of 12 levels, in 60 minutes. Each level is a floor of the same castle. Dungeons, the upper floors, they are all big mazes, that you have to beat. Meanwhile, you also need to beat the Vizir guards, in single combat. In the first level, you need to find your sword, and then, you're ready to go. The fights are very well made. Sword agains sword, man against man. The gameplay is awesome. The keyboard responds smoothly. The graphics are excellent. I don't know why the fuck the prince is blond, since he's persian, but besides that, hats off. The scenarios are superb, you really get into the essence of the game. You really feel like you're traped. Besides the guards, there are also a lot of creepy traps. Like spikes, that come out from the ground, when you're passing by and machines that cut you in half. Sometimes, you get killed in a second by hidden ll scare the shit out of you. The Prince and the guards are digitalized sprites. Jordan Mechner used video images of his own brother performing all the moves you can see on the game, to give birth to the Prince. So, everything looks very real. Lots of movements. Little steps, climbing, and descending, drinking potions - red ones will give you health, blue ones are poison - fighting with your sword, - you can put back your sword during fight, if you're willing to try to run, of if you want to commit suicide -, and all that good stuff.

So, since it looks real, it also feels real. You have to calculate your running, your jumping, everything. You can trip, you can fall just because of a slight mistake, like a false step, etc. It requires a lot of practice

In one level, you will have to jump through a magic mirror. And, your own shadow, will become alive, and will leave your body. You will then have to meet her, in the final level. Meanwhile, she will try to undermine your mission.

Really, how cool is that, for a 1989 game? The game was created by Jordan Mechner, by the way.

Sometimes you see skeletons, throughout the dungeons. One of them will rise, out of the blue, and you will have to fight it. You cannot kill it, because it's already dead.

Damn', this is a superb game. As I write this, I'm having all these good memories.

Now and then, between levels, you see what's happening with the princess. One of the games where you can see the final screen before reaching there. You can see the princess waiting for you, or being pressured by the Vizir.  And also, when she's preparing a little something to help you - like a mouse! Yes, a mouse! I will not spoil all the surprises. Oh wait, I think I already did... - everything is very realistic, and it makes the game even more appealing.

The princess room is also quite beautiful, and luxurious. Persian, middle-eastern and 1001 nights style.

There were several versions of this game. Most of them are copies of the original. There's a Konami version, for the Super NES, which is a deluxe version. More levels and scenarios, better graphics, more bosses, - including monsters and female fighters, etc. Quite harder too. It's an excellent game, and, in my opinion, one of the best SNES titles. You have twice the time to beat it. Two hours, instead of the 60 minutes, regarding the original title. Both games are full of atmosphere and adrenalin, and they are quite an experience.

Anyway, first, play the 1989 PC Prince of Persia. That's where all the magic was born. And, to this day, is one of the best platform games ever.



Retro Games Reviewer; Prince of Persia Review, 25/08/13

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Retro Games' sountracks covers. Castlevania, Contra, Sonic, The Legend of Zelda and Super Mario Bros.' castle theme.

Retro Games Reviewer #13; Retro Games' Music Covers.

There are many great retro games' covers all over youtube. Through those, we can see that the good old cartridges had in them some serious music composing. For all kinds of music genres. As a musician, I'm very fond of some great soundtracks in Video games.



Here, you have the castles' themes from the very first Super Mario Bros. in Metal version, by the band Nylithia. It's fucking awesome. The videoclip is also quite amusing. Check it out until the end:

Contra Jungle theme, by Vertex Guy. Also Metal. Of course, what else? This awesome track in violins? I think it wouldn't work. A lot of improvising, and guitar shredding which I liked:

Sonic, Green Hill Zone "a capella". Meaninig: a single guy - Smooth McGroove - did all the sounds in the song, through his own voice. And mixed it all.

Acoustic version of Castlevania's boss theme, "Poison Mind." Performer goes by the name of Oroz5

Also, check out this Swedish Band. They are "Game Over", and they have great songs based on NES classics. Zelda, for example. With voice, lyrics, it's all there. NESperado is one of their albums. Here's "Zelda. Hyrule's Angel (The Sleeping Beauty)."

http://nintendometal.com/music.htm

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Nintendo Versus Sega. The Cold War in Video Game History.

                                         Retro Games Reviewer #12; Nintendo Versus Sega.


Back in the days, when the political Cold War was reaching to an end, the one of the Video Game Universe was at its peak. Nintendo was the super-power, but Sega fought it bravely, step by step, never letting the Big N taking over the world completely.

If someone told me, or anyone, I think, 20 years go, that one day, we would see a Sonic game in a Nintendo system, it would be like saying the pope was joining Metallica. Could anything be more unspeakable  and impossible than this?!

Super Mario was Nintendo's icon, and Sonic was Segas'. The NES/Famicom was a complete success, - although its Sega's counterpart, the Master System, did well in Europe, it was no match for the Nintendo 8 bit machine - and Sega didn't wait very long to launch the Sega Genesis/Mega Drive. I remember well the marketing. Sega, all around the world, attacked agressively. It was supposed to be a "cool" video game system. The black colour, its sophisticated shape, a design closer to other, then modern, home video entertaining machines, like hi-fi's and videos, the games that were brought from the Arcade Sega hits, the Sports games, and, of course, the 16 bits. All this was probably intended to attract older people. Older, meaning, more teenage and young adults, than kids. Sonic was also supposed to be cool. I think Sega exagerated the supposed "coolness" of Sonic, and, to me, as a kid, it lacked magic and creativity. How many teenage animals or heroes were there already in the cartoon and videogame world? The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, for example. Since I was 2, I remembered to see all sorts of talking freaking animals all around the child entertaining universe.

Although Mega Drive was 16 bits, the NES fought it well, for a long time, before the Super Nintendo came out. And even after SNES came out, the NES was active for a short while.

You already know the NES is my personal favorite. But the others are not jealous.

Nintendo did not back down with its strategy. Super Nintendo was going to continue the NES magic, and its exclusive games creativity. Nintendo's message to Sega was "we don't need to look cool or sophisticated. we just need to be Nintendo." 

All my video game units are Nintendo systems, but in Portugal, the Mega Drive had a huge success. Nintendo did not have a good distributor. A big Portuguese Toy company also distributed the Nintendo products. When I was a kid, Sega was all around the TV marketing. The NES had a decent exposure, in the beginning, but Nintendo commercials practically stoped after the first SNES year.

So, anyway, all my friends and cousins had the Genesis/Mega Drive. And so, I played it.

I was quite disappointed. I thought the 16 bits of the Genesis were not doing wonders, and the games lacked creativity. - I say this word a lot, I know, but it's because it's so damn' important. Life's short, and if I'm going to burn hours of it in front of a TV screen, then, it better be good. I have to forget I'm sitting on a couch for days, because I'm living a true adventure, or experience, and I even forgot it's just a videogame. 

And Sega, just didn't have that Nintendo magic powder. This is my honest opinion. I was hoping Sonic to be a great game series, but it didn't match the Super Mario Sagas. Not even close. - I finished Sonic 2. I played it to the end. I'm not just a "visitor" - and, sure, it's a fun couple of games to play, they are ok, if you just want to relax, or have to stay home with the flu, or whatever, but definitely not an experience through gaming. I'm sorry, but this is my opinion.

The graphics and sound of the Genesis, were not that great either. You have to keep in mind that I heard and read, all over the TV, and Game Magazines, that the Mega Drive was 16 bits, twice the power of the NES. Twice! And I asked myself :"Where the fuck is all that? At least in technology?"

Remember the Game Gear? Sega's "portable" game system? It destroyed 8 bateries in a couple of hours. Yes, it had colors, light, but it was nothing more than a Master System with a tiny screen. It didn't have original games, and it was not very portable, either. Again, the marketing focused on the Game Gear colors, and the fact that Game Boy was in black in white. Sega used the negative marketing, A LOT. Not only promoting their own stuff, but also trying to "bully" Nintendo. I never liked that. Was that also based on the idea of being "cool"? Or perhaps just desperation?


Mega Drive had its highlights in the two player games. Those were very fun to play. I played with my cousins, for hours, games like Streets of Rage, Golden Axe, Fifa's, etc. Great way to spend a few afternoons, fooling around with the guys or girls. - my female cousin played Streets of Rage and Golden Axe like a bad ass. - so, it's definitely a social video game system. None of these games, in my opinion are a match to Contra (NES), or Super Probotector (SNES) for example, but Genesis/MD, had a lot of titles that were meant to be played by two.

The logic of Nintendo vs Sega is a little this. Nintendo always had the better games. The Super Marios, the Final Fantasies, the Zeldas, Konami best titles, Tetris!, etc, etc.

In Europe, everybody loves football - americans call it soccer - and the Mega Drive had huge success also thanks to the Fifa Soccer games series. At least in Portugal, they were cheap, and the kids loved them. The SNES also had those game series, but they were expensive, and, frankly, no one is going to buy a Nintendo system because of any other games than the exclusive ones.

When I was 13 years old, only 2 of us had Super NES, in my classroom. The remaining 20 had Mega Drive. And all of them had the system because it was cheap, and because of the Fifa Soccer games, mainly. They wanted to play and compete with friends. They did not want to play a long Mario game, much less a complex Zelda, or any other.

So, this is the idea I always had of the Genesis/Mega Drive. Like fast-food. "Fast-gaming." This is not necessarily something bad. There's a place for every kind of system. I think about it as an Arcade kind of gaming mentality. Unlike Nintendo, where you have to put on your agenda if you're going to play Zelda, for example, or the whole 96 levels of Super Mario Bros. 3, or the whole journey of Donkey Kong Country. It demands time and you have to be focused! At least if you're playing the games for the first time.

Of course, there are many many games for the Genesis, and very good ones, but I think you would agree with me, regarding what I wrote before.

Sega understood Nintendo's software, meaning games, were superior. - In fact, even Sonic, for example, is kind of a bastard son of Super Mario. Green Zones, 100 "rings" for an extra life, underground levels, item boxes, etc. Come on. We know where they got THOSE ideas from.

And so, they tried to squeeze Genesis/Mega Drive until exhaustion. Remember the Sega CD, and the 32x. Always using the "modern" and "sophisticated" argument, and propaganda. It failed completely, regarding these two advices. They were a fail. Knowing the gaming battle was lost, Sega focused on the hardware war. Even in this field, they lost the conflict. While SNES was already superior to Genesis/MD, and Sega drowned its 16 bit system with the CD and 32x freaks, Nintendo simply developed a Chip, the FX Chip, which allowed us to play wonders like StarWing (StarFox) and even Doom. 

Well, it's true, Nintendo had a partnership with Sony to build a CD system to the SNES, but it was aborted. And after that, a new monster was created. Another story.

When my father asked me if I wanted a Mega Drive, I said I'd rather wait for the Super Nintendo. And so I did. And I'm glad. Although, I'm also glad the Mega Drive existed. I spent many fun hours playing it with my cousins. And I think the Nintendo-Sega Cold War, made both companies work their ass off to make better games, inspite their ideas, or directions. In the end, we all won.

Sonic belongs to Sega. And, as a "Nintendero", it feels quite odd to see it on the cover of a Nintendo game pack. Videogame history is quite interesting, unexpected, and rich.

Sega Saturn, like Playstation, the then newbie on the field, abandoned the essence of home videogaming. These two consoles, were, mainly, built around PC Games, and arcades. Lots of titles, trying to be realistic, but lacking creativity. - here's that word again.

We waited a lot for N64, and it was worth it. Nintendo proved that magic could still be made in 3D. And without CD rom technology.

Sega Saturn was not a good experience, and the Dreamcast was the last standing warrior for Sega, regarding video game systems.

Nintendo did not have time to celebrate the victory of this Cold War. Because of Sony's new important share of the market. But, seriously, regardless how many sells Playstation 1, 2, or 4300 may accomplish, it's just not the same. And we know it.

Nintendo probably did not want to celebrate it, anyway. I guess it's not a coincidence why today, Nintendo's logo is grey. Probably, a reflex of the whole gaming industry.

Fortunately, my good old systems still work!

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QUAKE - Review

                                               Retro Games Reviewer #11; Quake Review

Id Software built a great mythology around this game, even before it came out on his full version. Supposedly, it was going to make a revolutionary change in the world of First Person Shooters. Back in the days, most magazines still called them "Doom-likes". At least the Portuguese ones. I admit, though, we never had good PC Game magazines...

I remember seeing the advertisement of the game, in a magazine. The first one. It was simply the big creepy "Q", and some teenage-captivating sentences: Something like "Lock yourself inside your bedroom, close the doors, and the curtains. Forget everything that's outside. You're about to enter Quake."

As a "Nintendero" - how my spanish neighbours called the Nintendo fanatics, I was never a big fan of Computer games, with some exceptions. I thought they lacked the creativity, the magic, the gameplay, Super Mario, the TV Screen, etc, etc, bla bla.

However, I must say I was quite curious, at least, to read a little about that mysterious and sinister game. 

As a coincidence, my father bought a computer in those days, - we're talking 1995 - and, to start experimenting the CD-ROM, he also began to buy some PC magazines, who included CD's with lots of demo and shareware stuff inside. So, I was very glad to see the word "Quake" written in one of those CD's. I put it on the computer, and I installed the shareware version of Quake. In a couple of minutes, the game was loaded.

And, holy Gods. In a microsecond, I fell in love. 

The intro is the player entering the level 3, The Necropolis. It's quite a mess, with the zombies attacking, and stuff. I pressed Enter without delay. I never liked intro's on FPS. They just fuck up the ambience and the growing atmosphere that the player wants to feel, progressively. I'm starting to play a game that is supposed to build suspense, expectation, and finally, some damn' action. Why the hell try to destroy that with an intro showing a part of the game where grenade launchers are being used, monsters are already attacking, screams, and all that shit? It's just stupid.

Anyway, as I said, I pressed Enter without delay. Select New Game. Ok, and now you're good to go. You have to choose between three paths, meaning the difficulty levels: Easy, Normal and Hard. - There's a Nightmare difficulty level, hidden in the beggining of the game. 

I realize, since the beggining, that the graphics of the game, are just fucking amazing. And, to my extreme pleasure, I also realize the game's scenarios are built under the influence and the model of medieval castles, and mythology.

I already mentioned before, that I love Medieval environments. 

Quake has 4 episodes, and three of them are, as I said, dark medievalish. The third one, The Netherworld, is futuristic, but with all the weird creatures, and creepy beasts of all the others. It's a great mix, and keeps the game from becoming repetitive.

In each realm, you have to find a rune. So, 4 runes, right? After that, you get to the last level, to fight the big boss. A creature called Shub Niggurath. This creature, is in fact one demonic character of Lovecraft's mythology. "Quake" is Shub Niggurath's code name.

Each realm or episode, is in a different dimension. And, before you get to those gothic, medieval dark paradises of FPS lovers, you have to pass through a high-tech and futuristic level, in order to find the teleport system, the splipgate, and get there. In those levels you do not find mythological  monsters, but human soldiers, and even violent dogs. 

So, first, the future, and then, the past. 

When in the Dark Gothic/Medieval realms - this sounded like a music genre description - you start to kick some demonic ass. Or vice-versa.

The first episode, Dimension of Doomed, is the easiest - as it should be. But you can already take a good taste of what great game you have.

The beasts look like they're going to jump off the screen, and attack you. The reality feeling of the game is big, and your adrenalin will start to acumulate. The scenarios are, most of the time, dark. Castles, dungeons, catacombs, that you have to explore. Illuminated by torchs, most of the times. Each level is quite different from the previous. So, the creativity is also a high point of the game. The levels also have different and expressive names, such as Castle of Damned, Tower of Despair, the Ogre Citadel or The Crypt of Decay. These would be all great names for some Metal albums. 

And, picking up a lyric of Twisted Sister to describe Quake: it's dark and it's how you want it to be.

The creatures can be very creepy. From the ogres who throw rockets, to the very aggressive fiends - remember the final level of Contra? When it appears that big alien mouth, working as a mini-boss? they look like a mix between that creature, Alien - from the movie - and a primal animal. They used to scare the shit out of me, when I played the game for the first time. Incredibly fast, they would pop up from every door or hidden room that would open, attacking you with no delay. The sounds are also great, which makes things even better, meaning even creepier. You can hear the beasts making their primal noises, searching, jumping, breathing. Damn', as I write this, I'm feeling like playing Quake.

You also have Dark Knights, and Magic Knights. Humanoid enemies. The Magic ones throw you, well, rays of black magic. 

Shambler is one of the creepiest, - and also very hard to beat - creatures. The body resembles a giant polar bear, covered in blood, around the mouth. The mouth is basically, the entire head. And he does not brush his teeth. He throws thunders through his hands. Very festive, right?

Vore is another horrendous creature. Like a demonic spider, also with a nasty big mouth - must run in these guys family - throwing sparks of energy, who will explode. This pet cannot be mistaken by any other. Even before you reach her, because of her noise. I hope you like Norwegian Black Metal...

Zombies will attack by...throwing you pieces of their own bodies. How nice of them. Talk about giving yourself to the others. They cannot be killed, because they are already dead, but you can make them in pieces by using the granade launcher. Careful with it, because, if you're too close during the hit, you can die too, or at least be wounded.

There are other nice buddies in the game. The boss of the first episode, Chton, is a demon made of lava, and steel. 

Weapons! Before mentioning the weapons, I must say the gameplay is perfect. Even with the standard PC keyboard. In fact, specially with the standard PC keyboard. I also have the N64 version of Quake, and I prefer the PC keyboard. 

You have a lot of nice and sweet toys, to fuck these beasts. The classical shotgun, the double barrel shotgun, the nailgun - like a machine gun - the super nail gun - sweet! - the rocket launcher - comes in two versions, one of them shoots them right on their faces, the other, works like a grenade launcher. - and the thunderbolt. You cannot use the thunderbolt in water. It will kill you, because, well, it throws thunders. Thunders are electricity. Do the math.

If you do enough damage to an enemy before the last shot, you will break them in pieces. Literally. The head goes to a place, and the remaining parts of the body, to others. 

There are pentagrams written in blood, all through the levels, specially wooden doors.

I cannot say this enough: The levels are fucking beautiful. In a dark, medieval, gothic, extremelly dangerous way. Lots of great details. Floor, walls, towers, windows, chambers, rooms, etc, etc. The sky is also very well made, in purple, although you will not see it very often. 

You can explore water. In fact, lots of goodies, like items, and sometimes, secrets, or parts of the levels, are underwater. 

 You will have to search for the usual keys. They come in gold and silver, this time. Very nice looking. Some of them are called runekeys. Their shape is different.

To enter each dimension, you need to use the slipgate, as I said. But, once inside the realm/episode, you will find magic teleport doors. They will send you to secret places of the level, or to the next level. So, you have this mix between the ancient, and the futuristic. Although, the ancient takes most of the cake. And that makes me very happy.

So, as the old commercial said: Lock yourself inside your house, close the doors, the curtains, and tell your girlfriend you're off. - yes, the commercial really said that. In Portuguese - disconnect your phone, pick up Quake, and play this dark beauty. 

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MORTAL KOMBAT - Review

Retro Games Reviewer #10; Mortal Kombat Review

Scorpion Wins! Oh yes, yes, if I had an euro for every time I heard that, in my TV, I would not be rich, but I would certainly have drank better beer, throughout my life. Seriously, does this game need any presentation? I never really liked fighting games before I played Mortal Kombat. Street Fighter was never my thing, but this was different. Digitalized graphics, and voices, real fighters, real sounds, real scenarios, real fucking everything. The attacks, the movements, - including the legendary and too creative fatalities. The programmers must have had troubled childhoods, and lots of repressed anger. Great! - and the blood. Well, depending on the system. The Super Nintendo version - the one I have - does not have blood. Although it has the better graphics and sounds, if compared with her nemesis, Sega Genesis. - The rhyme was not intentional. The controls are also smoother, because of the great SNES control pad. 6 entire buttons to do all the stuff you need, to rip your best friend's apart, in a nice 2 player game. I'm not a vegetarian, and I miss the blood on the SNES version. Specially because it's so damn' stupid the fact that it isn't there. What the fuck Nintendo wanted to state? "Hey, we are allowing an extremely violent game, called Mortal Kombat. But there's no blood!" If you're going to do it, just DO it. Also, some fatalities - finishing moves - lost some of their aggressiveness. Scorpion still burns their victims to the ground, but Sub Zero doesn't do the Spine Rip. Instead, he freezes the adversary, and breaks him/her in a thousand pieces. Also, Johnny Cage doesn't do a Decapitation Upper-cut. Instead he kicks the adversary to...death. In a single kick. Ok, it's lame.

However, the fun is there, and the game play is great. It's way better than the Arcade version. The one that I played, anyway. Regarding the Genesis/Mega Drive version, it doesn't have the digitalized voices in the end. Shang Tsung announcing the winner. That's a big add to the game, and it's quite frustrating to finish off your opponent, and just listen to...fucking nothing! I have played the Mortal Kombat 2 on the Sega Saturn, and it also did not have the voice announcing the fighter's winner. Which is weird, because the SNES' MK2 does. Isn't Saturn 32 bit? What's with the voices in Mortal Kombat, and Sega? Do they want us to take some deep thoughts about the horrendous violence that just happened? I don't know.

Back to MK, the First. Not too many fighters. I prefer the Ninjas, Scorpion and Sub-Zero. Scorpion is actually a dead guy, a spectrum, or a demon, who came back to life to have his revenge. And, of course, Sub-Zero is the one to take down. Then we have Johnny Cage. I loved this guy on the movie. Remember the movie? He was damn funny. Cage is an actor, who is constantly acused of being a fake. So, he takes part in the Mortal Kombat Tournament to prove himself. When he wins, he puts back his sun glasses, in a supposed "cool" pose. I don't know where the fuck he keeps his glasses during the combats, and how they never get broken. They are definitely good and expensive shit. Kano is a murderer, Sonja is an agent who is trying to get Kano, Raiden is the thunder God, Liu Kang is a former shaolin monk, - these last two are trying to take Shang Tsung down. Shang Tsung is the final boss. If he wins, the Outworld forces will invade the Earth and turn it into a demonic real, full of darkness and destruction - as if humans needed any help... - and, let me think, I think that's about it. Each one has its special attacks and all that good stuff. Oh yeah, Shang Tsung's body guard, Goro, is a dragon-man, with four arms, ugly as shit, and a very bad temper. You have to beat him before reach Tsung, in the final battle. I'm sure you know all about it, I'm not willing to write a bible about the game. The scenarios are pretty cool. The bridge is probably the most popular, because you can throw your opponent to the floor, where a lot of nails are expecting. Again, the SNES version is...dead, regarding the killings. If you're really a psycho, who's just doing this for the blood, you will prefer the Genesis. I still think the SNES version is more entertaining.

Pretty fun to play with a friend, or with an enemy, or both. There's a lot of versions, besides the 16 bit. PC, Sega CD, etc. So, pick your bloody poison, and give a chance to the first born.

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THE LEGEND OF ZELDA - Review

                                     Retro Games Reviewer #9; The Legend of Zelda Review

How many Princess's are there in the Nintendo World? And they rule their own Kingdoms, right? That's why they attract such different heroes, like a couple of plumbers, and a sort of an elf.

You all know Link. Not as original as the plumbers, but still charismatic. And fits the scenario as a glove. Zelda, the princess, was kidnapped by a bad ass, wild boar shaped, named Gannon. This wild boar has an army of monsters - don't they all? - and conquered innocent Zelda's kingdom, Hyrule. Not many people around Hyrule, in the NES debut Zelda game. We don't know if Gannon wiped them off, or enslaved them. Or perhaps Zelda was not such a good politician, and everybody went off to find a better living in another Kingdom. Well, it doesn't matter. Link heard about the tragedy, and decided to save her. A young lady with a Kingdom, who needs a husband. Who gives a damn' if she's beautiful? Let's go, Link!

Well, Gannon is a tough fuck, and won't be beaten easily. But Zelda has a Triforce. A nice piece of magic jewelry which has the power to beat Gannon. The triforce was divided in 8 parts, and each part is hidden in a dungen/castle. You, as Link, have to find out all these Levels, and then, finally, armed with the triforce, search for the last castle, which is, obviously, Gannon's Lair. 

The triforce, however, is not enough to turn Gannon into a nice pork chop. 

The game is a mix between adventure, action, and RPG. But the clues that you get throughout the game are not sufficient to find all the items you need in order to progress in it. You have to explore a lot. The dungen-castles become harder, - the last one, without help, is a bitch, and, in the way, collect a lot of different things, that you will need, if you want to beat this. 

Ladders, bow and arch, bombs, keys, a boat -  raft - , all that good fantasy medieval based stuff - , and specially, the swords. You will need the magic sword to defeat gannon. There are three blades. The first, is the common one. You will get it at the beggining of the game. Then, you have to search for the white sword, and finally the magic one. 

So yes, Link has some big pockets. And you should pick up a big shield as well.

This game has it all. You control it from a God-Like perspective. That's what I call it, because you see everything that's happening on the screen, and in small size. You know the drill. No jumps, left, right, down, up, kill enemies with your sword, choose your next screen, etc.

You have the "outside" world, the Hyrule Kingdom, with that familiar Zelda Music that everyone knows, and whistles on the Zelda Festivals. Forests, waterfalls, mountains. Quite fun to explore, it can become a real maze, in some areas. The dungeon-castles are to be found among Hyrule Kingdom. And some of them are not that easy to search, without proper help. Today is easy, with the all mighty Internet, but when the game got out, you needed some hints and clues from Nintendo Magazines. Or some mighty Nintendo Hot Shot, who got enough time on its hands. 

I mean, too many fucking free time. No job. No school. No need to be fed, or to go to the bathroom.

Anyway, the dungeon-castles are a different atmosphere, as you should expect. The song is kind of a dark version of the one we mentioned before. And it fits the underground levels. Lots of chambers to explore and labyrinths to beat. You will need lots of keys in order to open up some rooms. There's a magical key that will able you to crack all the locked doors. But you can only find it later in the game. And it's not that easy to find. And, of course, there are beasts to kill, with your own good sword. - Any of them. From the typical bats, to knights, mummies, and some bizarre odd creatures, that sparkle, or look like freaking pancakes, or rabbits, you have it all. Of course, each dungeon-castle ends up with a boss. Dragons, giant spiders, giant rhinos, and more.

What about the game play? Sweet. Nintendo proves to the world that it doesn't need have to do include jumps on a game to make it perfect. The controls are smooth, and it's a lot of fun to control Link. When you have all your power/health, your sword can throw flashes of energy. What a great idea. If you don't have your health in 100 %, you have to defend yourself in close fight, with your weapon. And it's not less fun. Some bad asses can give you a great challenge, and fire up your nerves and adrenaline.

Can you believe this is a 1986 game?

I only finished this game in the last year. Finally, I decided to sit in front of this beauty, and said: "Now, no more delaying. You gotta go down, Gannon."

And hell, I can tell you. NES and The Legend Of Zelda were never so alive.

Play this. 

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FAXANADU - Review

                                              Retro Games Reviewer #8; Faxanadu Review

I remember well when I asked my mother to buy me this game. It was actually one my first. I was 8 or 9 years old, and my English was as good as shit, since I was Portuguese. Well, I still am. You know what I meant. And there's a lot of reading throughout the game. However, I loved the cover, the game pictures, and also the description, in the back. - yes, we had a translation stick on the game.

So, I read about swords, saving the World Tree, wing boots, castles, demons, finding keys, solving puzzles, and more swords, swords to use on the monsters' heads, yes, this is what a game should be all about, for a middle age based fantasy fanatic.

So, - I'm using "So" a lot, am I not? - I got home, and I plugged the game in my good old, then brand new, NES.

Title screen, amazing. Music: amazingly epic. Metal cover is required.

Anyway, young me is liking it a lot. Start. Keeps getting better. I see the hero - it has no name, which only adds to the game - walking towards his village. We can see the giant Tree. The graphics are pretty good. I am aware that this game is a big, fat adventure, which I won't beat easily.

And now the action starts. Well, it doesn't actually "start." We have to read what's going on. The village was ripped apart by the evil Dwarves - most of them are actually quite big, and some are even giant. - and now, the hero, yourself, has to find out what happened, why, and, of course, save the Elves - the good guys, that you have to protect.

The graphics are very good, since the beggining. The initial village or town, whatever, is very dark, and medieval. The scenarios are great. If you play it during the night, with the lights out, it's definitely a worthy video game experience. The game is a mix between action, platform, beat'em up, I mean cut'em up (since you use swords...) and RPG.

In the beggining, you need to go to the king, and he will give you money. After that, you can buy your first weapons, magic attacks, and start the action. You will have to manage your money, buy stuff that you'll need, like keys, and many other items. You can get money by slaughtering enemies. You will also hear clues from the villagers.

That's very nice, now that I think of it. You are saving their country, ALONE, and you still have to BUY the stuff you need from the people you are saving.

Another touch of realism to the game...

Anyway, off you go, from town to town, castle to castle, through forests, mazes, and all that good shit.

The game play is ok. It's not perfect, but it doesn't fuck up the game. The graphics are excellent. For example, for each time you upgrade your weapon, or you get a new shield, it's visible on the screen. The long sword is really long, it's not the same as the small dagger. Same logic with the shields. Each magic attack is also different. From Deluge to Death, the flames look different.

The scenarios are quite rich. If you go into a store, for example, it's always decorated. Keys in the key store, food on the walls of the food store, and so on.

Faxanadu is not the best option for those who only want to relax while playing a good old (or new) easy going video game. You will have to put some effort and time in order to beat it.

You'll have to pick up lots of keys, and sometimes you need to re-enter the same castle to search for something that you didn't, and should have. If you need, for example, 3 keys to advance in the game, and you only got 2, you can be forced to go back a long way, after fighting a whole bunch of enemies.

When you reach a certain number of points/kills, the Guru will reward you with another "title". Adept, hero, paladin, warrior, etc. It's a good add to the game.

It's an RPG, nevertheless its adventurous nature. You get mantras from a guru, in a temple, which looks like a church. Those mantras are nothing more than passwords. If you make a mistake copying a password, goodbye game progress! Back in the days, - I love this expression - it made many people mad. Today you can go to the internet, and get all sorts of mantras, or play on an emulator. But it's not the same. You want to beat Faxanadu by yourself. It's a man's game.

I'm sorry, ladies, I only wrote the last part in order to provoke my girlfriend. (Who edited this blog right now because her bf doesnt know how to and just read it, thanks bf!) 

The story is based a lot on Norse Mythology. And it's very interesting. You'll get to revive water fountains who were dry, fly through wing boots, and search for all sorts of items.

 So, if you're aiming for a great adventure, Faxanadu is definitely a good choice. Stay out from youtube speed runs or long plays of the game. It will spoil the fun.

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DUCK TALES - Review

                                             Retro Games Reviewer#7; Duck Tales Review

Uncle Scrooge is on the NES, and he brought the Duck Tales crew. Including the nephews and Captain Boing. Is his name Boing? I don't remember for sure, but I think it is, and I'm not going to google it. I have bigger questions than that. I mean, where the fuck is Donald?!! Why did they cut off Donald from Duck Tales? Is it a problem of the TV series? Or is it just the game? I never really saw the TV series. I have tons of Disney comics, and Donald is always around with Uncle Scrooge. Donald is also an uncle. They are all each others uncles and nephews, it's fucking creepy, What happened to their mothers, and fathers? They all got killed and cooked? I do love a good roasted duck. Or is everyone adopted? Lot of questions tormented my childhood because of the "uncle" thing, with the Disney Duck Family.

So, anyway, I like this game. You control Scrooge, - which is the old man/duck in the best physical shape I have ever seen. - and you have to go around the world, and solar system, searching for treasures. Meaning, 5 levels. Amazonia, Transylvania, Himalaias, African Mines, and the Moon. - that's why I added the "solar system" sufix.

The graphics are quite good, for the NES. - It's a CAPCOM game, by the way. - The scenarios are nice, well built, with lots of enemies to defeat. You get to use Scrooge's cane to jump around faster and higher, and you can only kill enemies through that specific type of jump. You can also use the can to overthrow blocks, and other obstacles, or to find hidden treasures. There are lots of hidden rooms, which is also a great bonus for a platform game. 

Each level has its theme, as you can tell by the names I already mentioned. So, the game never becomes repetitive, or boring. In the end of each level you will find a different boss. A creature which is also alusive to the theme-level. There's a different music theme for each level, which is also great. I am particularly fond of African Mines' song, and Transylvania. These too are great, and if you can play the guitar, try it out on the 6 strings. Very good stuff.

The nephews give you hints, and Captain Boing can give you a lift back home, if you find him in a level, and you want to return to Ducksburg, and chose a different stage. Gizmo Duck is also in the moon to give you a hand, I mean, a blast, and other familiar characters, both foe and friend, make an appearance. 

After you get the 5 treasures, you will have to return to the Transylvania level to finish the job. That's because the treasures got stolen by the witches and by some sort of Dracula? Another version of Duckula? Do you remember the TV series, Duckula? The vegetarian duck? Well, this one is also an inbreed of duck and vampire, but he's definitely not vegetarian. He's your final boss. After beating him, you still have to race the witches towards the rooftop, to get your hands in the treasures first.

So, yeah, it's a fun game. Very good message to the kids, risk your life in every way you can, just to get your hands in more treasures and money, although you're already the richest guy on earth, and, as a karmic bonus, you are stealing them from where they belong.

Wait a minute, now that I'm thinking about it... Isn't Scrooge stealing all those goodies from their countries, and respective colective owners?! Oh, and the bosses and the enemies are the bad guys? For trying to protect what's theirs?!

What would you expect from a guy who pays his nephew a dollar per hour?

Conclusion: If your conscience is ok with you playing a game in which you are a rich duck who still gets the need for stealing cultural and precious treasures from around the world and moon, play this one. It's good fun.

Retro Games Reviewer; Duck Tales Review , 15/08/13

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TETRIS - Review

                                                Retro Games Reviewer #6; Tetris Review

Tetris! Come on! It's one of the most well-known inventions of man. I'm not even gonna bother you with a description of the game. You know the drill. It's funny how one of the most popular videogames ever, until today, had its origin in the old, cold and red Soviet Union. Who would have thought? Japan and the U.S.A. were the homes of video entertaining, and the Communist Empire was the distant world of good old cheap socialist friendly toys. History is interesting, because it will surprise you at any corner.

When I was a kid, Tetris was everywhere. It came with the Game Boy, so, we hall had it. There were a lot of electronic machines containing Tetris. Like "Brickmania" - unoriginal undercover name for Tetris, "Block" this, "Block" that. The "Brickmania" had other games, using the sprites of Tetris. Like, a racing game, with cars made of blocks, that was quite original, and fun too.

As a kid, I liked Tetris. Not as much as the Mario games, the Mortal Kombats, Prince of Persia, and all the other goodies from my childhood. So, I did not love it, - yet - but I already liked it. The game became more and more appealing to me. Today - I'm 29 - it's a constant must on my NES.

I remember, when I was a kid, my best friend's dad was addicted to Tetris. He played one of the zillion versions that existed, since 1990, on PC. He was a retired high-ranked military officer, in his 60's. He would spend hours playing Tetris.

I think Tetris is appealing to people who like discipline. The sense of organizing, and building things. Or maybe the will to destroy those same organized buidings! So, in the end, everyone can like Tetris.

It can be quite competitive, and it's even great for a gamer to compete with himself. Can I beat this next level, with this speed? Can I get more points than this? Adrenalin really kicks in, and it really is a great challenge to the mind.

And, of course, to play with your friends, or with everyone, in the inumerous Tetris contests that exist, every year, and everywhere.

The NES original version only allows one player. Tengen Tetris, the unofficial Tetris, allows two. The Game Boy also allows two players, through Game Link. I, personally, prefer to play Tetris by my own, so the NES Tetris is my favorite. But it's a flaw, nevertheless.

So, Tetris, is also a piece of History. A bridge between East and West. Keep that in mind, while playing the soviet mind game. Who said videogames were not culture? Think again. And to play this one, you really need to think.


Retro Games Reviewer; Tetris Review , 28/07/13

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SUPER MARIO BROS. 4; SUPER MARIO WORLD - Review

Retro Games Reviewer #5; Super Mario World Review

Of course, Nintendo had to come up with a brand new name, in order to make the first appearance of the Mario Brothers in 16 bit something revolutionary, beggining with the game title. But, in fact, regarding the plot, the gameplay, the extension of the game, the maps, if we ignore the new possibilities used by the SNES, the real revolution was with Super Mario Bros. 3. And, if Super Mario World is really Super Mario Bros. 4 - as it states the Japanese cartridge,- the name "Super Mario World", if used, should have been with SMB3.

Super Mario World - SMB4 is a great game. I love it, I played the hell out of it, all the 96 leves, star world, all that good stuff. However, - and keep in mind my gamer history began with Nintendo. Read previous articles - it did not have the same impact in me than the NES games. And that's ok. We, the old school gamers, were not the only ones around, anymore. New generations had in the Super Nintendo their first system. And, obviously, Super Mario World had the same impact in them than SMB had in me, and in other old school gamers.

We're talking about 16-bit, and Nintendo did a good job exploring the SNES. The problem is that, after SMB3, it would be hard for the next Mario game to cause a beyond-this-world impression. Even with the better sound, graphics, etc. The gameplay is great, - as it was already - to me, I cannot say that SMW is better than SMB3. But, I cannot say it is not as good. Thing is, it should be far superior. The graphics are not much better, except for the scenarios complexity and deepness, and some good effects, such as Bowser flying towards the screen. So, what do we have new, here? You can repeat levels, which is necessary, because there are hidden stages, and secret alternative ways. And, also, you need to find the switches, in order to produce new platforms, and reach the refered places. I was disappointed with Bowser's kids' sprites. Bowser himself is 16 bit worthy, but not his offsprings. You also lose power-ups, if comparing with SMB3. You now have a cape, which, besides of giving you the same power that Racoon Mario had, allows you to do some more movements, which is great. You can attack the ground, and use it as a parachute. However, you no longer have the frog suit, or similar, nor can turn into Hammer Mario, or Tanooki. The big upgrade is Yoshi. That's definitely the trademark of Super Mario World. You can ride a dinosaur - the action happens in Dinosaur Land, although you still have to save princess Toadstool. - and that's a big add to the game. If you catch Yoshi while still a baby, you have to feed him, until he grows up. Yoshi can eat some enemies, or spit them, through fire balls, for example. It's a lot of fun. There are apples Yoshi can eat. And there are lots of Yoshis, with special features. You have to keep an enemy on the Yoshi's mouth in order to activate them. Blue Yoshi can fly, Red Yoshi turns everything he eats into fireballs, Yellow Yoshi, well, creates little earthquakes. The original Yoshi is the green one. He's the standard one. If you get touched by an enemy while riding Yoshi, he will run away, but you can try to catch him, by jumping on him, again. I, myself, prefer to play the game without Yoshi, although, now and then, it's fun to ride with him. The key word of SMW is probably "fun". The star world levels are very difficult, and a great challenge. But the main stages of the game are quite easy. And remember, since you can go into previous levels, you can go to an easy one that has one up, or collect coins, etc, so, you can never risk a game over. The lack of adrenalin, in this field, destroys a little the essence and pleasure of beating a game.

Important to mention the colors: great definition, and great choices and combinations. It's very pleasant to explore the game.

The thematic worlds are also missed. You don't really feel the diference between
the first "world" and the last ones.

But, hell, it's a great game. Nintendo realized SMW was a sequel to SMB3, and closed the series. Super Mario World 2 - Yoshi's Island is a completely different game, with a completely different concept.

Overall, a great start to the SNES system. It's too bad Nintendo did not come up to another Super Mario Bros. game after Super Mario World. I guess they realized that there was not much more to do. And they did it well.

Retro Games Reviewer, Super Mario Bros. 4/Super Mario World Review , 26/07/13

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SUPER MARIO BROS. 3 - Review

Retro Games Reviewer #4; Super Mario Bros. 3 Review

The final game of the NES trilogy of the Italian plumbers who went super each time they had a nice juicy mushroom. Two different trilogies, since, as we saw before, there are two different Super Mario 2. - The word game was not intentional.

It still amazes me how the hell did they put this game - back to SMB3 - on an 8 bit-system. In fact, the SNES version is essencially the same. They just added a few things, and changed others, in order to make it different. Not better, just different. 

Ironically, in Super Mario 3, Nintendo showed the world what an 8-bit system could do, when explored by people with talent and creativity. I say ironically, because this is the last Super Mario game on the NES, and, one of the best games you can get in your entire life. The market rules are a bitch. I think about all the great games the NES could have had. And all the shitty games that it did, too. My conclusion is: Videogames, nowadays, well, they just lost the magic. It's like controlling characters or something that is happening in a movie, or in a cartoon. No more entering in a different world, which is not supposed to be a TV show. And, yes, we could have had both SNES and NES, offering us great games, until today. But the market rules did not allow it. As Nietzsche once said: Evolution is not the same as elevation. 

So, instead of thinking in all the great stuff that should have happened in the NES, let's focus on this game, that did happen.

90 levels of game play. Indeed. Impressive. 8 worlds, each one loaded with levels. Some are bigger than the others, but neither of them is too short. So, the 90 levels are really 90 levels. There's a map for each world, and you can see what's happening. The worlds are: Grass, Desert, Water, Giant Island, Sky, Ice, Pipe Word, and Darkness. The graphics are 16-bit worthy. In fact, if only every 16 bit games had this kind of graphcis! I have played many crappy games in SNES and Mega Drive/Genesis, who looked like Spectrum, compared to SMB3. The creativity is there, and everywhere. Explore, explore, and keep exploring. It's an entire world, I mean Universe, of Mario Fantasy. Everything that you had before, - in the original SMB and SMB2 - is there, much better, and there's much more. 

Mario can become, not only Fiery, as usual, but also turn into a Racoon, a Hammer Brother - yes, those pain in the ass motherfuckers! - dress a Frog suit, in order to swim better, become Tanooki Mario, which is essentially the same as Racoon Mario; he can fly too, as Tanooki, but also turn into a statue and become invincible. 

Giant power ups, the ability to swim during platform levels, in and out of the water, pick up shells, some enemies, and some bricks, and other stuff, - the influence of Doki Doki Panic aka Western Super Mario Bros. 2 is visible  - fly, as I said, use enemies' items - the Goomba shoe - carry items throughout the game, and, kick Bowser's sons and daugher's asses. 

Soundtrack is ok, but probably the weakest link of the game. I like the music of the Fortresses, and castles, and the bosses too. The "green zones" musics do not please me that much. There are two of them, one is faster than the other. They do not make the game better. In this field, SMB will always have the prize. The underground music is actually the same as SMB, so, we have a win here. It's kind of a rock version of the original one. The map song of the 7th world, is also pretty cool, very bluesy, 

 And, in the end, the princess has even a small joke for Mario.

Great game, a master piece of videogaming. Play it, enjoy it, live it. And in the end, remember yourselves that it's an 8-bit system. And try not to think that, damn, we could have had more of those in the NES. 

Thank you, Mario. But our next adventure, is in another system.

Retro Games Reviewer; Super Mario Bros. 3 Review , 26/07/13

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SUPER MARIO LAND - Review

Retro Games Reviewer #3; Super Mario Land Review


I always asked myself this question: Why the hell didn't Nintendo produce another version of this game, in order to include it, for example, in Super Mario All-Stars, for the Super NES? I mean, no one loves the Super Mario Bros. series more than me, but how many versions and re-editions of the SMB trilogy Nintendo made? Specially the original Super Mario Bros., it's omnipresent. It's in Super Mario All-Stars and in Game Boy Color.  Why, I repeat, WHY not Super Mario Land on the SNES, or, at least, in one of the Game Boy successors? Well, Super Mario Land was, and is, definitely a star. And it's a true, and pretty original Mario Game. I can think of an argument. The morals. Since in Super Mario Land our favorite plumber has to save princess Daisy, instead of Toadstool - they now call her Peach, right? - it would probably be a bad influence on the kids.

"Hey, cool! Mario gets to be kissed both by Peach, AND Daisy!"

I don't know. But, frankly, this is the only reason I can think about.

Now that I remember, didn't Mario save ANOTHER woman, in the game Donkey Kong? Yes, he did! Pauline was her name. What the hell happened to her? Anyway, it seems Mario is a true player. I guess in the en d he stayed with Princess Toadstool. Good move, she has a Kingdom of her own.

So, anyway, Super Mario Land is freaking great game. Nintendo did not have the temptation of making a clone of Super Mario Bros. SMLand has its own essence.

First two levels indicate that you are close to the desert. Fun scenarios, great gameplay. In this game, your fireballs, as Fiery Mario, can collect coins. The same fireballs run free through the screen, like a pinball. Pretty cool, and original. The turtles become bombs, when you jump on them, so, you need to run. There are lots of different enemies. Some of them need more than one fireball, in order to be beaten.

The first world - there are four of them - ends in a pyramid. Great scenarios, it really looks like you're in an Egyptian Pyramid. You can see the hierogliphs, the music is great. Iced Earth, a metal band, ripped off this music, and played it in one of their songs, Desert Song. Just type "Iced Earth Super Mario Land" on YouTube, and pick your poison.


There are hidden elevators, that can take you to the rooftop. There are lots of different bonus/coin rooms in the game. Very original, and fun to explore.

In the end of the pyramid, you have to beat a sort of sphynx. SMB style. You can shoot them, or you can jump over it, - or under - and destroy the bridge. Except for the final level, the bosses don't have any sort of "intelligence." Meaning, they will not follow, or scan you. If you jump over them, they will not turn around. They are like statues who make the same moves. That's one of the downsides of the game.

In world 2, you are now close to water. Each world has 3 levels, but they are bigger than in SMB or SMB3. Each world has also a very different environment, which is great. In the boss level of world 2, you get to use a submarine. The game becomes like a typical shoot'em up. You can see Mario inside the thing. You are under water, lots of enemies to beat, and bricks to destroy, in order to progress. There's the word "Mario" written in coins, and you can do your best to try to collect them all. In the end, you have to beat a creature that looks like the Loch Ness Monster. So, as you can see, there's a lot going on in this game.

World 3, it's Easter Island! You could call it the statue world. Lots of rocks, and statues trying to get you. The levels are long, and the scenarios are, as always, very well done.

World 4, and final. You are in China. Well, probably not in China, but in a Chinese inspired environment, definitely. This is valid for the first two levels. In the final level of this world, - which is also the final level of the game, - you are taken to the sky. It's the same logic and shoot'em up style as world 2-3. But now, you fly an aircraft, and you have birds as enemies. In the end of the level, you have to beat two bosses. The mini-boss, is a cloud, that sends birds to kick your ass. Not too difficult, but it can still be a small challenge. And finally, the nemesis in Super Mario Land: The alien Tatanka. He is flying a pretty cool mini space ship, and throwing missiles and shooting everything that he as against you. You have too take him down first.

And, at last, Mario saves Daisy, and the ending screen is the happy couple, inside a spaceship, flying towards their love nest.

Fucking beautiful. Even the song fits.

Princess Toadstool can never know about this.

So, great game, think again we are talking about portable 8-bit. And, I say it again: It's a damn shame Nintendo did not allow us to play this game, re-edited, renewed, in Super NES. It's stupid. We have to play the exact same Super Mario Bros. 3, - the original game was so good, they could hardly change a thing - instead of Super Mario Land 16 bit style.

Oh well. Play it on the Game Boy. It's a hell of a game as it is.

Retro Games Reviewer; Super Mario Land Review , 22/07/13

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SUPER MARIO BROS. 2 "MARIO MADNESS" - Review

Retro Games Reviewer #2; Super Mario Bros. 2 review.


The Western version of Super Mario Brothers 2, as you all know, by now, was not really a Mario game, originally. Nintendo picked up Doki Doki Panic, changed the characters to the heroes of the Mario Family, and, here you go, have fun. The psychological effect, I think, was never referred by any of the reviews I have read, or heard. Were people so hipnotized and addicted to the figure of Mario, that they would have bought and loved any crappy game, as long as you could play with the plumber brothers? Although I was very surprised when I found out the truth, it did not matter a thing to me. Meaning: I think it's a great game. And I think it was precisely why Nintendo decided to choose Doki Doki Panic as the fake Western Super Mario Bros. 2. I called the game, in the title, Super Mario Bros. 2 - Mario Madness, because, well, that's what it says in the freaking box. Not Super Mario USA, not European Super Mario, or any other thing.

So, again, I think it's a great game. When I was a kid, a neighbour of mine, who had played SMB2 in a friend's house, described it to me. "You can pick up enemies and throw them to other enemies!"

Wow. That's pretty cool.

"You can enter through doors, and explore all sorts of chambers!"

Also cool.

"You must find keys, to open locked doors!"

Again. I'm pleased.

"Every level has a boss! Mini-bosses, which consist of dragons, dressed up as women, who throw eggs, in the first levels of each world, and the main bosses, in the last. You can pick up the stuff they throw to you, and, let them taste their own poison!"

"You can throw magic potions, and it will open a door to the subworld, and get mushrooms and coins. Damn, you can pick amost anything you want! Including vegetables from the ground, which you can use as weapons!"

Stop it, I can't hear it anymore!

"You can choose between Mario, Luigi, Toad and you can play with Princess Toadstool as well! And each character has different powers, or abilities! And Mario and Luigi don't look like fucking twins anymore!"

I NEED THAT GAME!

And I got my parents to buy it, after some struggle. And, yes, I still remember the freshing experience of playing Super Mario Bros. 2. The gameplay was still excelent, and you could go all around the scenario. Back, and forth. The graphics looked very good, and we could get the characters to do almost everything. As I said, pick up stuff, enter doors, throw items, use enemies transports, climb stairs, destroy walls with bombs, in order to progress in the game, use a special jump, by clicking down in the D-pad, dig up sand, etc. We could - hell, we still can! My game still works! - we can even carry the items with us. And it will afect the speed of our character. That's great. Keep in mind we're talking about a NES game, from 1988. A lot of stuff is happening in this game. Although you can still get Starman - through cherry picking - and become invincible, and you have the ability of becoming Super Mario, instead of normal Mario, there are no more power-ups, like the flower, or any other. And you won't miss them. They would not fit the nature of the game.

Including the ability to play with Mario, Luigi, Toad and the Princess. You can also change the character in the beggining of each level, so, you don't get stuck with the same throughout the entire game. Mario is a little like we are used to, Luigi jumps like shit, but very slowly, Toad is incredibly fast and strong, but has a weak jump, and finally, the princess can float a few seconds with her...skirts. That's very nice. I'm assuming she carries underwear, but still... She is also the weakest of them all. She's a lady, right? It's the very first Mario where you can play with the princess, and, besides Mario Kart, which is a completely different series, and kind of game, I think it's the only one. At least regarding Nintendo's 8, 16 and 64 bit systems.

You can explore pyramids, deserts, the usual "green zones", castles, caves, etc. The last world has a greco-roman architecture. Very nice. We also have a nice pack of enemies. Quite bizarre, some of them. The shyguys wear a mask, and I already mentioned the dragon that spits eggs, and dresses up like a woman, because he thinks he's one. In Europe, that monster is named Ostro, but I think in Japan it is Birdo. Here, they called Birdo to that walking bird, that looks like an ostrich. There are walking bombs, with strong arms, the Bob-Ombs, nice play of words, a giant crab, three headed serpents as bosses, so, yes, you will have a whole lot of creatures to beat. The last one is a giant frog, all dressed up. Wart is is name.

The story of the game is revealed in the title. Mario has a dream, and the action happens inside it. He has to save Subcon, the dream-land, from, precisely, Wart, the fat fuck, I mean, frog, and his army. The ending of the game, is, in my opinion, one of the best and more creative in all Super Mario series. And, as you know, Nintendo adopted the hybrid Super Mario Bros. 2 as a real son. Many enemies, abilities of the characters, etc, became part of the Super Mario Universe.

So, do yourselves a favor, in any rainy afternoon. Wipe out the dust of this game, and go save Subcon.

Cheers. Feel free to share your gaming experiences.

Retro Games Reviewer; Super Mario Bros. 2 Review , 20/07/2013

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